
We all encounter difficult people in the workplace. We may be that way ourselves from time to time.
How effective you are at dealing with difficult people has a direct
impact on how successful you become and can affect your job advancement,
your relationships, your overall confidence and even your health. This
article defines 10 actions that you can employ to stay in control. By
demonstrating self-control, you are better prepared for dealing with
almost any situation and any individual. Stuff’s going to happen but you
don’t have to accept being the victim. You have choices.
Definition
We often use the term “difficult person,” .By difficult, It means a person who routinely exhibits
one or more of the following behaviors:
- Hard to work with or manage
- Doesn’t play by conventional social or organizational rules
- Is a disruptive or disturbing element to others.
By difficult, It doesn’t necessarily mean someone who disagrees with
you. Disagreement is often healthy and even good for business. It can
serve as a check-and-balance to help ensure that the best ideas and
decisions are considered; it stretches the players to perform at their
best. It’s not always important that we agree. It is, however, important
that we can work reasonably well together despite our different points
of view.
10 Tips
Let’s now examine the 10 tips—or actions—that you can employ to help you stay in control when dealing with difficult people.
1. Take Time to Pause
When a difficult situation presents itself, pause and count to that
proverbial 10. You are at a crossroads. What you say and how you say it
could make matters worse or improve the situation. Now is the time to
think before you act; to collect your thoughts and corral-in your
emotions. If communicating verbally, this means pausing for a moment or
taking an extended break. If using email, sleep on it before replying,
or obtain a second opinion before sending the email. While pausing, look
at the big picture.
Search for what’s best for the business or the relationship. Focus on a good outcome and what that might be.
2. Examine Your Behavior
Whenever you encounter a difficult person, first examine your own
behavior to determine if you are part of or the entire problem. Ask
yourself, “Where’s your responsibility in all this?” You may not be able
to alter the behavior of others but you can change yourself if that’s
what is needed.
3. Put Yourself in Their Shoes
When you are dealing with a difficult person, it can be immensely
helpful to look at the situation from their perspective. For example:
What are they going through? What is their objective? How are they
feeling about the situation? What is the hardship they are facing? Your
point of view will likely be affected by better understanding their
point of view. How would you react if you were in their shoes? Be as
understanding as possible of their frustrations or point of view. Doing
so may also help to win them over—they may even come around to seeing
you as an ally. Demonstrating empathy is a trait commonly found in the
best performers.
4. Be Willing to Listen
When you listen and the other person knows you are listening, walls
start coming down. It prepares you both for coming together for the best
solution. They begin to feel that you care about them. Use body
language as you are listening such as tilting your head, relaxing your
body and frequently looking into their eyes. Be empathetic and display
compassion, if relevant. An objective for listening is to learn what
they are going after. For example, they may be looking to save face, or
they may be seeking power, respect, attention, approval or some other
form of recognition. It may be helpful at some point to ask them what
they are feeling right now. Avoid making decisions or judgments before
you have a chance to hear their side.
5. Be Candid About the Issue
Be straight with others. Constructively confront them with the
problem you perceive and what you need from them. Site specific examples
and avoid any vagueness. Initiate this conversation in private. As soon
as possible, set the expectations. Tell them what you can do and what
you cannot do. Follow up on the discussion to ensure expectations are
clear and things are proceeding satisfactorily.
6. Project Calm
Your behavior will have a pronounced effect on the situation so you
want to learn to manage your emotions. Lead from a position of strength.
Don’t become defensive, angry or desperate; doing so will undermine
achieving a satisfactory outcome for both you and the other person.
Maintain your cool. Relax your body language. Slow down the cadence of
the conversation. Be thoughtful with the words you choose. Keep your
voice low. Although the stakes may be high for you and the other person,
promote casual conversation so that emotion can be displaced with
listening and thinking rationally.
7. Choose Your Battles
When you are dealing with a difficult person, you typically have more
than one option. Make sure that the option you choose is in both your
best interest and the business’ best interest. Sometimes give-and-take
is not possible with a particular person—there is no chance of
compromise. Ask yourself if this situation is worth the time, energy and
overall stress that it will cause. If it’s not then let it go. Stop
talking about it or giving it any more energy.
8. Don’t Let Others Control You
When you go to work each day, I suggest you
not show up with
the primary objective of being liked. If you do, you will likely have a
disappointing career. No matter how you behave and treat others, there
will be many days when someone will not like your behavior or even you.
It’s not about being liked. It’s about integrity and doing the right
thing. If you make being liked—getting the approval of others—a primary
objective, then you are setting yourself up to be controlled by others.
This could cause you to do nearly anything just to get their approval,
including rolling over on important issues.
9. Deal with Aggression Firmly
Whether the aggression is delivered verbally or is approaching
physical, shut down the interaction and be willing to continue when they
have calmed down. Don’t tolerate verbal abuse or someone threatening
your personal safety through physical or psychological fear. Be
assertive in insisting that the difficult person does not continue with
the abusive behavior. Once you have shown your willingness to tolerate
abusive behavior, that behavior will not only continue but will likely
escalate. Set boundaries. Let the person know you will respect him or
her, but expect to be treated with respect in return.
10. Take the High Road
When dealing with a difficult person, the likelihood is high that they are
not
taking the high road. Just the opposite; their heels are dug in.
Someone’s going to have to budge and reach out. As hard as it may be,
make that someone you. Doing so demonstrates professional maturity and
is a major step in finding a successful path in dealing with the
difficult person. This can help diffuse the situation. A great bonus in
taking the high road is that you will earn respect and your stock value
will increase.