Confidence to a person can be damaged
in different ways, among the ways which can damage and kill your confidence is; use
of certain words, though some folks take them for granted, I assure you some
words are the confidence killer, Don’t you believe me? Let’s take a journey to
see those words
Try
The first word is try. Have you
ever heard someone try to do something? There’s a difference between trying to
do something and doing something.
Quite simply, trying is lying. As you remember that, you can eliminate
that from your vocabulary. Just like in Star Wars, when Yoda said, “There is no
try, only do.” Yoda was right on the money. There is no try. If you talk to
someone and you say, “Hey, would you do this favor for me?” And they say, “I’ll
try.” You can count on them not doing it. Because otherwise, they’ll say,
“Yeah, I’ll do it.” Similarly, avoid using that in your own vocabulary. Instead
use the word ‘do’. I will do it. I will perform this. I will do this favor for
you. I will call you back. I will complete this task. Eliminate the word try.
Don’t try to eliminate the word try, do it. Eliminate the word try.
Hope
Another word that is not a word of
confident people is “hope”. Now, hope is nice and hope is surely better than
nothing. However, ‘hope’ presupposes a lack of action. Like, “I hope things get
better. I hope my situation resolves itself.” Contrast this with, “I’m going to
take action and I’m going to make it happen.” “I’m going to make my situation
better”. This is a subtle yet powerful difference between a reactive mindset.
Hoping for something to happen is being reactive, whereas you are proactive
when you take action and expect success. Eliminate the notion, “I hope that
this could happen”. Think, if yourself using the word hope, stop yourself and
say, “Now what specific action could I take in order to make that happen or to
maximize the likelihood of that happening?”
But
But negates everything in the sentence that
precedes it. An example is, “I want to go to a movie but I have a lot to do.”
In this example, it sounds as if the person will not be going to the movie.
When someone hears the word but, they immediately know that what was previously
said should be disregarded. An example that is similar yet semantically
different is, “I have a lot to do but I want to go to a movie.” In this
example, it sounds as if the person will be going to the movie. But always
negates so be aware of how you’re using it if you do use it. If you want to
communicate the same thing without using the word ‘but’, substitute these
words, ‘and yet’. So, suppose you need to turn down an invitation to an
engagement. You could say, “Well, I’d like to do that and yet right now I still
have something going on that prevents me from going”.
The Three “oods”: Would, Could, and Should
All right -
would, could and should. The three ‘oods’ that are no good. As we go
through each ‘ood’ we’ll discover how their use in some places decreases
confidence, and we’ll learn how to replace them with words that will propel you
even further to success.
Would Would makes something conditional. It’s not confident. It’s not absolute.
Would is conditional and presupposes there’s something or some condition that’s
stopping you. So it’s pointless to use the word would. Eliminate that word from
your vocabulary.
Could ‘Could’ is the next
‘ood’ that we will eliminate. So if someone says, “I could go meet that person”
then my question is “What’s stopping you?” Using what’s known as the
conditional tense of the word could implies that there is a condition attached
to your action. Like, “I could go meet that person.
I could go market my business to ten new people and expand it. I could make
some calls on the phone and sell some more products. I could go give some
strangers some compliments and smile at them and make them feel wonderful.
Could presupposes that there’s some condition that’s stopping you. It’s
unnecessary. Eliminate it from your vocabulary. Preferably use phrases like, “I
can, I will, I do.”
Should Should is the worst of
the ‘oods’ Should implies that there’s some sort of expectations projected onto
you and that you lack a choice in how you want to behave. Think of the
sentence, “I should be doing this right now.” Well, you should be doing this
according to whom? Ask yourself that, according to whom? Whose expectations?
It’s all about your own expectations, your own internal frame of reference.
After all, you’re running your brain, you’re leading your own life. You’re a
unique, divine individual in charge of what you’re doing. So, saying should is
like keeping yourself hostage by limiting your choices. If you have a preconceived
notion that you should do something all the time in a certain circumstance,
then you’re not going to investigate other options because you’re just going to
do what you “should do”. And that’s a limiting perspective because whenever you
have fewer choices, you’re less empowered and have less control over your life.
Attempt
This word is similar to try. When
people say, “Hey,. What are you going to do next?” You say, “I’m going to do
this, I’m going to do this, and I’m going to do this”. So, in the same way, the
difference between doing something and attempting something is vast. Think of a
basketball player. They will tell you how many free throws he’s made or she’s
made and how many free throws he or she has attempted. They understand the
difference and while it’s a subtle nuance in wording, when you change your
language you’ll change your perspective in life and thus become more empowered.
So again, consider your goals: you’re going to go for them and you’re going to
achieve them. You are going to do this. You’re not going to “attempt” to
do this or that, you’re going to go for it and you’re going to do it. If you
catch yourself using the word attempt, that’s fine. Simply switch your language
and repeat the same phrase with the words, “I’m going to do this.” Instead of
saying, “I’m going to attempt this goal”, say “I’m going to go after this goal,
I’m going to achieve this goal, I’m going to accomplish this goal, I’m going to
make this happen.” When you speak the language of confidence, your life will
become easier as you passionately pursue your goals. Speaking the language of
confidence empowers you and reaffirms to yourself that you will achieve
whatever you set out for
Wish
The final word for you to eliminate
is “wish”. Have you ever heard of wishful thinking? That’s exactly that. Think
of the associations the word “wish” creates in you: throwing a penny into some
magic fountain and hoping that your wish will come true. And we already talked
about what hope is. So just by wishing, it’s as if you’re not willing to take
action and will it to happen, to do whatever it takes to accomplish what it is
you want so you can lead the life of your dreams. So eliminate the word wish
from your vocabulary.